the shit i knit

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cunt bag...with pattern!
the shit i knit
megiknit

Photo 5
Originally uploaded by aqueoustransmegan
cunt bag



cunt
Originally uploaded by aqueoustransmegan


Reusable shoppers are a hot item these days. Unfortunately most reusable shoppers are boring as all get out. I am a huge fan of bag collecting, I am a card carrying purse hoarder, but I want something with eye catching flare...not a grocery store logo. As you may or may not have guessed from the title whilst I am a good girl who saves the environment with reusable shoppers I’m also just a wee bit naughty. I didn’t just want to make a shopping bag that was cute...I wanted to make a statement! I purposefully chose low contrast colours because I know cuntbags are a particular and acquired taste. (plus what other colour is more apropos than pussy pink?)

rant: Hopefully the sarcastic feminist slant of knitting a ‘cunt bag’ is taken as the light hearted play on words that it was intended to be. I am a woman, as if the whole bag whore line didn’t give that away, and I see no reason why my lady-parts are offensive. /rant

Other than the motif this bag is also a bit unusual because it is not felted. I am just not a fan of felting. I can’t get behind the hope and pray aspect of the felting process and I cry at the prospect of having beautiful, even stitches melted away by the washer. One of the reasons why so many knitted bags are felted though is that felting creates a thick, relatively sturdy and stiff fabric, a very practical, utilitarian choice for a bag. To approximate the function and feel of felted knitting this bag is knit tightly with double stranded, heavy worsted yarn on size 11 needles. This creates a fabric which has many of the properties of felt but without the loss of stitch definition or the knitter’s sanity. The bag retains it’s shopping bag shape well even when heavily laden with goods, preferably more yarn!

As for the ‘cunt’ motif you can easily edit it or leave it out. I toyed with making one side say ‘cunt’ and the other say ‘c*unt’ but I figured I’m better off going whole hog! I plan on making some other motif charts which can be substituted into this pattern because I really liked the pattern and I think it worked very well.

Materials:
Approximately 500 yards of heavy worsted yarn in the main colour and 300 yards in the secondary colour. *THESE ARE WILD APPROXIMATIONS!* I knit this bag using indie yarn I got from Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. I made the mistake of not doing a yardage measurement on one of the skeins before I began. I am going to do a second knit and I will have more accurate totals then.

front side:
cast on 39...this is row #1
rows #2-11 continue in stockinette stitch using main colour
rows #12-25 work colour motif in secondary colour against the main colour background in stockinette stitch (center the motif across the 39 sts)
rows #25-55 continue in stockinette stitch using main colour
row #56-57 knit
row #58 bind off
repeat for back side

sides:
using secondary colour pick up stitches along the right side of the front piece skipping every third stitch except for the last stitch which you will pick up resulting in 39 stitches...this is row #1
rows #2-19 continue in stockinette stitch
row #20 cast off
repeat for the left side only this time pick up three stitches then continue picking up stitches skipping every 3rd stitch thereafter

bottom:
using main colour cast on 39...this is row #1
rows #2-19 continue in stockinette stitch
row #20 cast off

handles:
cast on 50 stitches....this is row #1 (you can use either colour or one of each like I did!)
row #2 purl
row #3 knit
row #4 knit
row #5 cast off
repeat for the second handle

construction:
-with all pieces wrong side out crochet seam the back piece along each side edge first this way you can crochet seam the bottom in a continuous loop.

-with the cast off row on the bottom of the curve count in 11 stitches from the outside edge of the front piece and sew each side of the handle between purl ridge and cast off rows.

OMG you could sell that. I would buy one. CRAZY!!! LOVE IT!!! A CUNT BAG!!! How about a TWAT BAG? That is one of my favorite dirty words lol

I'm starting another one tomorrow. I made the graphics for cock and taint already but twat is going to be hard...i'm just not inspired to knit cock or taint though...I'll leave that for like the 9 guy knitters. i got frustrated trying to do the w and quit to go watch my phelpsie but I'll try again tomorrow.

i'm totally bringing this shopping. all the time.

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